Don’t bite into that Starburst. It’s CHEWY!!

In one of the most ridiculous lawsuits I’ve seen in a while,* Victoria Arthur, of Romero, Mich. is suing the Mars Corp for being too chewy. Romero claims that she took a few bites of a yellow Starburst and “and it literally locked my jaw … and it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint.” In the “It isn’t about the money” sound bite of the decade, Romero claims she brought the lawsuit because she didn’t “want to see anybody else have to go through what I have gone through from eating a piece of candy that was supposed to be soft chew.”

I don’t know who should be locked up, this wingnut or her attorney. Come to think of it, the last bag of M&M’s I ate melted in my hand, not in my mouth. I’m going to call him on Monday and see if he’ll take my case.

In a related story, I’ve just been informed that the notorious rider in Van Halen’s performance contract has been amended to exclude all yellow Starburst.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

*I was going to write about this story, but the Starburst case eclipsed it in the “what an idiot” category by a factor of a billion.