Can the Evil Partner and his Untenable Position be an Effective Mediation Participant?

Vickie’s post on Type A Lord Voldemort type partners who ask first years to research whether the partner can assert a nearly untenable legal position led me to ask another question – more related to the mediation milieu:

I think all of the lawyer/mediators out there have, at one point or another, had that partner who told the million dollar client, “Yea, we can pull your chestnuts out of that fire,” hung up the phone and then told you to find out if he really COULD pull the client’s chestnuts out of the fire. Of course, if the young associate is smart and has read Vickie’s article, she’s come up with some ridiculous position based on some case from 1847 England, or worse, the ravings of some law school professor in an Ivy League law journal.

The partner is no dummy and after reading a memo so sparsely decorated with case citations realizes that no matter if it is Christmas or not, those chestnuts will be roasting on an open fire. Whether for reasons economic or egotistical, that partner will likely feel that he cannot now go back and tell this to the client. Of course, this puts everyone in a difficult position. So, they battle on.

Fast forward 1000 billable hours (from one overworked first year, of course) and the court directs the case to mediation. The partner has been advancing this position for months and telling the client how swimmingly the case has been going.

Now here are my questions:

Can an attorney who asserts a position with nearly zero support in fact or law be an effective participant in mediation? And how do you deal with him?

How to Deal With the EVIL Partner and Other Advice for First Years

Vickie Pynchon’s Settle it Now blog has an excellent post for young lawyers on how to deal with the EVIL PARTNER who will give you ridiculous research projects asking you to support untenable positions. Please read it and heed her words. Sage advice.

Above the Law & the Nixon Peabody “Theme Song”

I don’t know how I have missed both the Above the Law blog AND the story about the Nixon Peabody “not a theme song” song. More on Above the Law later.

First, I need to stop laughing at the Nixon Peabody story. According to Above the Law, the mp3 they link to in the second paragraph of this post is really a song commissioned by the firm for “internal use.” Why a law firm would want a theme song or any kind of song is completely beyond me.

I warn you now. Listening to this to more than 25 seconds of the over-synthesized, retro 80’s, Cameo “Word Up” wanna be pile of crap may make you sterile, reduce your IQ and make you wish you were interned at Gitmo. In fact, I’d suggest sending this to the CIA for use in all of those secret prisons we aren’t supposed to know about where they aren’t using “aggressive interrogation” tactics, but the UN might then really unite against us and impose economic sanctions for crimes against humanity.

All I can say in conclusion is that I had a case once against Nixon Peabody. This travesty couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch.

Now, I’ve been scanning some of the stuff at Above the Law. Its amusing, if a bit gossipy. But then, in this day and age, isn’t all news simply gossip?

Bar Exam Woes – Bad “Upload” Loses Data

The ABA Journal reports that approximately 400 essays for the New York bar exam may be incomplete due to “upload problems.”

Sort of reminds me of the old urban legend about NASA and the Russian space programs. Faced with the problem that ordinary pens could not write in the frigid, zero-gravity conditions in outer space, NASA reportedly spent millions of dollars designing what is now a common executive gift – the Fisher “Space” pen – which contains a pressurized ink cartridge enabling it to write “upside down” and at low temperatures.

The Russians reportedly solved the same problem by sending their astronauts into space with pencils.

Sometimes high technology isn’t such a good thing.

Not a good way to start a Friday…

I entered the kitchen this morning and saw the light blinking on the answering machine. Which was unusual for 2 reasons: First, nobody calls us on that line because between the wife and me, we have 6 phone numbers – 1 business line each, 1 cell phone each, a fax number and the old house line. Second, I don’t recall hearing the phone ring.

I press play.

Hello this is Mrs. X from BigBank Fraud Protection. I’m calling for Chris or Melissa Love (long story short, the wife kept her maiden name). I have some questions about some activity.

Now, this was disturbing for three reasons. First, my name isn’t Mr. Love and people I do business with would know that, so I am immediately on alert that this is some kind of “phishing” exercise. Second, I don’t bank at this particular bank. Third, my wife had her identity stolen by an illegal alien, who then got a phone line in her apartment and cable TV, paid the bill timely for a few months then skipped out on the last 2-3 months. Nothing too major, but still disturbing. On the plus side, the woman probably used it to get a job, so somebody paid Social Security taxes into her account.

After calling the main number for BigBank to find the Fraud department and speaking to a very helpful person there, I verified that the caller was a real fraud investigator and left her a message. Turns out that no fraud was perpetrated on me or my wife. But the reason she was calling was just as bizarre and disturbing.

She called to ask me if I had used MY bank’s online bill pay system to write a rather large check to a family member. This family member banks at the BigBank and they could not find record of a deposit into the family member’s account. Turns out the family member endorsed it over to their business and deposited it into that business account. Even though the family member is an officer and signatory on that account, the bank red flagged it.

I’m all for greater security, but I’m a little disturbed to know that the banks monitor our activity so closely. And where was all this fancy monitoring when the illegal alien used my wife’s social security number to open accounts in LAS VEGAS – 1500 miles from where we live?