Ridiculous Lawsuit of the Day – Mom Sues Motel Over Porno Movie

The L.A. Times reports that a mother from Nashville, TN won an award of $85,000 against a motel in Artesia, CA. The mother claimed that when she went to take a bath, her daughters (8 and 9 at the time) were watching a children’s show. An undisclosed time later, the tots knocked on the bathroom door and said, “Mommy, something’s wrong.” When Mom returned to the main room, the kids were watching porn.

The jury awarded her $65,000 in economic damages, which the paper said included medical and legal bills and $20,000 in non-economic damages.

First of all, who BATHES in a motel tub? I guess the jury didn’t hold that lapse in judgment against the mother.

Secondly, I clearly joined the wrong profession if some doctor is out there charging $65,000 to help rid these poor children of the horrific trauma of seeing two adults have sex.

Thirdsome, what kind of legal system are they running in California? They can’t convict patently guilty men of murder (OJ, Beretta, Creepy Phil Spector) and then civil juries hand out idiotic awards like this? Those of you who practice in California, I really feel for you. It must be like living in Bizarro World.

Finally, I’ve consulted some people who may have, in the past, ahem, ordered certain adult entertainment from those hotel Pay-per-view systems. They claim, ahem, that you have to go through several menus and confirm each step before you can buy it. It’s not like you tune to channel 83 and there are people doing the horizontal mambo. Like the hotelier said, the mom could have asked to turn the adult entertainment option off.

“Nature Boy” Ric Flair says “Whooooooooaaaaa”

Professional wrestler Ric Flair is suing a Columbia, SC car dealership for imitating his character the “Nature Boy” and misappropriating his catchphrases. Flair sued Freedom Suzuki in Federal Court for wrongfully “using his name, slogans, likeness and personality in radio and TV ads” that featured a blond-haired character named “Captain Freedom” shouting “Whoeee” and “To be the man, you got to beat the man!”

While “Whoooooe” and “To be the man, you got to beat the man!” are not exactly trademarked, and being a pumped-up bleach blond isn’t exactly a unique look, they are both closely associated with Flair. It also doesn’t help Freedom Suzuki’s case when the ad in question actually says,

“Whooooeee. To be the man you got to beat the man. Ric Flair was right all you other car dealers out there!”

Collection Agencies and Debt Management Firms Misappropriating the Word “Mediation”

Recently, I received an email from a legal head-hunting site entitled “ARBITRATION / MEDIATION – 3 Partners Needed.” Intrigued, I opened the email to find the following description:

#1 Negotiating Company in America.
Open 27 years – start today – flexible hours.
Unlimited work – paid weekly.
For more infomration [sic], join me on a short conference
call Monday thru Saturday at 8AM E.S.T.

The misspelled word set off warning bells immediately, as did the daily 8 am conference call, but I did some digging anyway out of curiosity. Turns out these people are “debt managers.” The debtor employs them to threaten his creditors with bankruptcy unless the creditor accepts a fraction of what the debtor actually owes.

For some reason this really annoyed me. What bothered me more was learning through a Google News Alert email that there is a collection agency in Jacksonville, Florida that goes by the name Legal Mediation Practice. A quick search on the internet shows that this company has a terrible reputation for strong-arm tactics. In fact, the post included in my Google Alert stated that the collection agent threatened the debtor with jail. What is this? 17th Century England?

These people don’t mediate anything. They are what they are and because society has a negative opinion of both groups, they like to hide behind innocent sounding names and use terms like “mediate” and “arbitrate” because they carry with them an air of respectability their businesses lack.

As a libertarian, I am loathe to advocate governmental intervention, but shouldn’t the bar in these states regulate the use of the term “legal” and “mediation”? Isn’t this a textbook case of Unfair Trade Practices? Isn’t suggesting that you can “represent[] businesses in negotiation, arbitration, mediation and out of court settlements of disputed debts” a false statement

Causing likelihood of confusion or of misunderstanding as to affiliation, connection or association with, or certification by, another; or
Representing that goods or services have sponsorship, approval, characteristics, ingredients, uses, benefits or quantities that they do not have or that a person has a sponsorship, approval, status, affiliation or connection that he does not have;

especially in states that regulate the certification and registration of civil mediators and arbitrators?

At the very least, doesn’t suggesting that you “represent” another business in a matter involving the collection of a debt, which is a legal matter, constitute the Unauthorized Practice of Law? I do not know whether the owners of the particular debt management company that placed the advertisement are lawyers, but based on their ad, their prospective employees clearly are not.

Arbitrator Rules in Favor of Falcons. Vick Must Repay $20 Million.

According to several news sources, University of Pennsylvania law professor Stephen B. Burbank has ruled that Michael Vick must repay to the Atlanta Falcons almost $20 million in “signing, option and roster bonuses” on the grounds that the bonuses constituted payments for future services which Vick cannot provide while under suspension (or as a guest of the federal penal system). Burbank had previously ruled that the Denver Broncos could not require wide receiver Ashley Lelie to repay certain bonuses already paid to him when he attempted to opt out of the last year of his contract because Lelie had not breached his contract.

The NFL’s CBA allows Vick, and the NFL Players Association to appeal to a federal judge in Minnesota.

Movie Review – Michael Clayton

Let me start by saying that, unlike a lot of lawyers I know, I don’t normally appreciate legal themed movies, TV or books. I don’t read Scott Turow or John Grisham, and I don’t watch Boston Legal, Damages, Shark, or any law-firm based night-time soaps. My one exception is the Law and Order series, but Criminal Intent and SVU focus more on the investigative aspect of the police work rather than the alleged “courtroom drama.”

But I was absolutely enthralled by the new George Clooney film Michael Clayton. Clooney plays the title role, a powerful New York law firm’s “fixer.” You know, “the guy who knows a guy who can take care of that thing,” except for his own screwed up personal life. The movie revolves on the apparent mental breakdown of the firm’s head of litigation (and Clayton’s best friend at the firm) during a deposition in a $3 billion class-action lawsuit against the firm’s largest client, an agro-chemical manufacturer accused of poisoning several hundred small farmers with their pesticide. Clayton is sent in to “contain” the problem. What follows is a powerful and piercing look at the world of Big Law, Big Lawyers, Big Litigation, and Corporate America as Clayton comes to realize that his friend and mentor might be right.

I am loathe to tell you much more. It is not a thriller in the traditional sense. There isn’t a “I see dead people” twist to reveal. But the beauty of the movie is in watching the narrative unravel.

New ADR/Mediation Blog

Yesterday, Diane Levin of Online Guide to Mediation introduced us to a new ADR/Mediation/Arbitration blog written by four law professors, Indisputedly. It looks like it will be an interesting resource and provide perspective from the Ivory Tower.

Undergrad Sues UMass for getting a “C.” Thankfully, he loses.

In one of the more ridiculous lawsuits in recent memory, a student at the University of Massachusetts filed a federal class action suit against the school for violating his constitutional right to receive an “A.” Thankfully, in a rare fit of judicial common sense, the District Court of Massachusetts dismissed the case within four months of filing.

Now, I’ll be honest. I immediately thought that the student, Brian Marquis, was the progeny of the current generation of post-boomer “helicopter parents” who falsely inflated their children’s self worth with “Participant” ribbons and not keeping score at little league ball games. Turns out that Marquis is a 51- year old baby boomer himself. Whooda thunk?

Mr. Marquis apparently has designs on going to law school. I guess he thought he’d improve his chances by suing his undergraduate institution. His complaint might have made a very unique application essay, had it actually expressed one viable cause of action or even a coherent thought.

Thanks to Overlawyered via Volokh.

Serious Friday Post – UK Firm Offers “Tele-Mediation” of PI claims

There was an interesting article today regarding a UK company called InterResolve. They are now offering a “telephone mediation” program for personal injury claims in the UK. Their press release states:

InterResolve, the independent claims resolution specialist, has launched its Legacy Claims Scheme, a low-cost, high capacity telephone mediation service to assist insurers in resolving personal injury claims over a year old.

I am not at all familiar with the personal injury/tort claims regime in the UK. It is my understanding that few of their PI cases go to litigation, especially where there is disputed liability, due to the “loser pays” system. It appears that many of the cases are handled administratively, with adjusters and claims managers. The InterResolve system claims to have reduced average settlement time to seven weeks when telephone mediation was utilized. According to the company, claims pending in the current system can take eighteen months to two years.

They charge an average of £175 per party and claim a settlement rate of 88%. Typically, these mediations took less than one hour and involved both liability and quantum issues across a wide range of values. Assuming the average case took one hour, as they claim, that means this company was charging about $700/hour (in US$).

Sign me up.

Wisdom beyond her years.

I spent some of yesterday afternoon surfing. Partially looking for opportunities to spread my wings as a mediator, build a solid base of experience and raise my profile, and partially looking at what others who have come before me have done. Along the way, I rediscovered better than misery and realized I had been remiss in both visiting this excellent resource and adding it to my blogroll. With this post, I remedy at least one of these errors.

Eliesheva has a gift and often displays a wisdom beyond her* (apparent) years. Finding myself sitting around wondering whether I had done the right thing by embarking on this new career, I found this post especially poignant.

*my deepest apologies for the gender confusion.  I saw Elie and thought Elie Wiesel.

A new “old” mediation blog?

Cruising around the interwebs today, I stumbled upon Perspectives from a Mediator/Arbitrator, written by Canadian ADR professional Stephen Raymond. It looks like he’s been offline for a while, but has recently posted that he plans to get back in the saddle. He has some interesting tips about cross-examination during an arbitration.