The funny side of Christmas…

As the Christmas/Holiday season approaches, I thought some of these oddball stories would make you laugh:

Want a unique gift? Try Rhino Poop.

The International Rhino Foundation is auctioning separately on eBay four pieces of dung from the endangered species and will use the proceeds to fund conservation efforts. The pieces come from four of the five types of rhino: white, black, Indian and Sumatran. The Javan rhino is so rare, a sample could not be collected. Each piece is dried, mounted in a clear trophy case and marked with the type of rhino that produced it.

That will run you anywhere from $125 to $500.

Singing Salvation Army Santa Shoplifts Silver Bells

A Salvation Army bell ringer sang “The First Noel” while shoplifting Christmas ornaments on his break, police said. Sean M. Sayers, 33, Anderson, was arrested Wednesday on a misdemeanor charge of conversion. According to a probable cause affidavit filed by police, Sayers was on his break as a bell ringer at a Wal-Mart in the city northeast of Indianapolis when he went inside the store and slipped about $20 worth of Christmas ornaments inside his jacket and a fast food bag. Police said he was singing the Christmas carol as he shoplifted the goods about 6 p.m. Wednesday.

By the way, Anderson, Ill. is in Madison County. I smell a new class action!!!!

Honey Baked Hams – Perfect for your Chanukah Meal!

A grocery store in Manhattan recently advertised hams on sale as being “Delicious for Chanukah.” I might expect this in Manhattan, Kansas, but New York City? Home of the Carnegie Deli, H&H Bagels and street vendors selling knishes?

And finally,

Santa Claus is coming to town — for 34 microseconds

Some stick in the mud scientist in Sweden had to go and ruin the illusion of Santa Claus and Christmas by actually calculating how fast Santa would have to move to deliver presents to all the good girls and boys on Christmas Eve. According to world class wet blanket Anders Larsson,

“He has 34 microseconds at each stop” to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh

Another massive killjoy claims that “Santa’s sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second.”

Merry Christmas everyone!

New Features

As my web people are fixing the column alignment issue, you may also notice some changes in the left hand column. I have signed up with FeedBurner and am now offering email subscription service. You may also subscribe to my FeedBurner feed using the RSS Feed button directly below the Email Subscription box. Be on the look-out for other new features as a learn more about FeedBurner (and other tools for bloggers).

Apologies to the IE users out there.

I understand that the blog columns are currently a little askew if you are using IE.  My web people are looking into fixing it as quickly as possible.

Introducing the “I’m too smart to do something that stupid” Defense.

Take two.

Last week, prominent Mississippi trial lawyer Dickie Scruggs was indicted along with some of his colleagues in a hair-brained scheme to bribe a state court judge with $40,000 in order to receive a favorable distribution of a $26 million award of attorneys fees. When asked about the case, prominent Mississippi pulp writer John Grisham had the following to say:

My initial reaction was one of surprise. I know Dickie Scruggs. This doesn’t sound like the Dickie Scruggs that I know. I was really shocked by the news. When you know Dickie and how successful he has been you could not believe he would be involved in such a boneheaded bribery scam that is not in the least bit sophisticated.

And thus, the “I’m too smart to do something that stupid” defense was born. I have to say, it has an air of credibility to it, unlike, say, the famous “Twinkie Defense.“

I lost a post…..

If anyone else remembers reading a post earlier today about Dickie Scruggs, please email me and let me know I’m not going crazy.

I’m going to try to re-write it and post it again.

Ahh, the joys of taking court-ordered work…

Earlier this week, I drove to one of the Metro Counties to sit on a panel of mediators offering their services to small claims court litigants. As many have suggested, this is an excellent way to build a solid foundation of mediation experience, test new techniques, generally feel more comfortable in my new role as mediator, and because I believe in the process. Also, because Georgia’s jurisdictional limit for civil cases is $15,000 many of the parties are represented by counsel; therefore, this is a good way to meet potential clients. I’m certainly not doing it for the money, which just about covers the tank of gas for the round-trip and a snack for the road.

This week’s calendar appeared promising. Some of the cases had more than $500 at stake and the parties were represented by counsel. The judge even promoted our services during his opening. And then he called the calendar. Of more than a dozen cases, about half of the parties failed to even show and two cases were removed due to conflicts. Because only two or three cases remained on the calendar, the judge dismissed the mediators with a wave and an “I’ll handle this.” Quite disappointing.  Don’t get me wrong, I will be going back.  I just hope there’s a better response rate next week.

What made me shake my head in bemusement was the sign outside one of the other courtrooms setting forth a dress code/code of conduct. It included the following dictates:

THE FOLLOWING ATTIRE (CLOTHING) IS NOT PERMITTED IN THE COURTROOM:
Tank tops
Halter tops
Spaghetti strap tops
Midriff tops
No cleavage exposed
No Short shorts
Pants must be pulled up to your waist
[and my favorite]
No rollers or curlers in your hair.

:sigh: