An Employee Handbook I Can Support

Courtesy of the WSJ Law Blog.

When I read the the L.A. Times story about their new “Employee Handbook,” I wanted to stand up and cheer.  Finally, a blow for common sense and plain language.  This Magna Carta of Employee Handbooks opens with the brilliant gem of wisdom:

Rule #1: Use your best judgment.
Rule #2: See Rule 1.

Now, as far as I am concerned, it should end there.  But due to certain societal trends that has led to a more “open” and “informal” atmosphere in the workplace, some further guidance was required.  The article lists several other mandates included in the manual, such as,

4.5. Making the building too hot, banging on trash can lids or loud bagpipe music are annoyances you can complain about,” but such actions don’t constitute harassment on the basis of protected characteristics.

7.1. If you use or abuse alcohol or drugs and fail to perform the duties required by your job acceptably, you are likely to be terminated. See Rule 1. Coming to work drunk is bad judgment.

7.2. If you do not use or abuse alcohol or drugs and fail to perform the duties required by your job acceptably, you are likely to be terminated.

I really like that last one, because in certain sectors of modern corporate America, “fail[ure] to perform the duties required by your job acceptably” is no longer grounds for dismissal.  Well, it is, but only after 4 verbal warnings, 6 written warnings, 10 counseling sessions and a trip to the principal’s office.   Of course, there were lawyers quoted in the article as saying the handbook was too vague, and “made a lot of mistakes,” but a quick Google search reveals that the lawyer makes his money counseling big corporate clients on how to draft 800-page, “comprehensive” employment policies. Imagine that.