You Think That Jury Will Do Right by You? Think Again.

In the case the upcoming article in the Journal of Empirical Legal Studies did not convince you that you are usually better off negotiating a resolution of your dispute (whether with the help of a mediator or not), legal blog Swordplay lists 10 Acts of Lunacy by Jurors that might make you think twice about turning your case over to those twelve people in the box.

I will admit that as a bit of an idealist (and someone who never “lost”* a trial), I thought that once they took the oath juries tended to pay attention and in the end, did the right thing, but some of these examples take the cake.

*A bit of clarification may be necessary here.  I was clearly not Gerry Spence or Perry Mason.  When I was practicing, and defending insured persons (mainly motorists) from personal injury claims, a trail was commonly considered a “win” if the jury awarded the plaintiff damages that were less than the last amount you offered to settle.  Using this measure, I never truly lost a case, even though juries ruled against my client.

Maybe They Should Make ADR Mandatory at Michigan Law?

From Above the Law, everyone’s favorite gossipy tabloig, comes a cautionary tale of how not to handle a business dispute with your law school classmate:  Don’t send a passive aggressive “Uhm, it’s been six months where’s my cash” email to everyone on the Law School’s listserv.

The email from the seller is bad enough, but the response it provoked was worse.  The scary part is these students will graduate from one of the most respected law schools in the nation, not some US News and World Report Tier 4 school.  They may or may not get jobs in BigLaw.  Maybe they should make ADR (or anger management?) mandatory at UM Law?

If they’d only hired a mediator….

Courtesy of Legal Antics:

George Carlin – Funniest Footnote in Supreme Court History.

One of the smartest, wittiest, funniest, and most insightful (inciteful?) comedians and, yes, philosophers of our time passed yesterday at age 71.   I guess that now that I am approaching 40, 71 seems far too young to die, especially in this day and age when they can cure such horrible, terrible, life threatening diseases such as restless legs syndrome and overactive bladders.

Carlin was a bastion of free speech, constantly pushing the envelope of what society thought “decent.”   Of course, his “Seven Dirty Words” routine resulted in a Supreme Court decision that gave the Federal Communication Commission the power to protect “the children” from “indecent” material.  It probably wasn’t the decision he would have preferred, but Carlin did say that he was “perversely kind of proud of” being a “footnote in American legal history.”

The world is a little less funny today.

Numwhah?

I know it isn’t Friday, but this just had to be posted. One of my geeky guilty pleasures is watching the National Spelling Bee every year. It has everything: drama, bad posture, strange words. The moment of this year’s competition, and possibly ANY year’s competition came from the eventual winner, Sameer Mishra:

Enjoy a good laugh.

Capitol Hill Comedians

I don’t typically stray into politics, but I saw this piece among my morning reading and found some of the answers quite funny. Political website The Hill sent a reporter to ask – the 97 Senators who aren’t running for President whether they would like to be Vice President. I thought it was an interesting take on the “man on the street” questions you tend to see in small town newspapers (or The Onion). Most of the answers were variations on: “I’d be flattered,” “I don’t want to be presumptious”, “I would definitely consider it an honor,” or “I’m proud to represent the people from the great State of Apathy blah…blah…blah.”

Some of the Senators actually have a sense of humor though:

Sen. Bob Bennett (R-Utah)
“Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?”

Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.)
“I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at ‘undisclosed locations.’ ”

Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.)
“Does that include any sports picks or anything like that?”

Sen. Tom Carper (D-Del.)
“Yes. Sign me up. I’ve been kidding people for years: The hours are better, the wages are just as good — whoever heard of a vice president getting shot at? — and it’s a great opportunity to travel.”

Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho)
“I would say ‘No, Hillary.’ ” [Ed. Note - He shouldn't scoff - he needs a job]

Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.)
“No. I don’t like going to funerals.” – [Ed. note This was my favorite.]

Sen. Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii)
“If I were asked, I would say, ‘You’re out of your mind.’ ”

Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.)
“I plan to stick with my current job until I get the hang of it.” [Ed. Note - I won't swing at the softball Teddy Boy just pitched]

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.)
“I already have the T-shirt.”

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)
“My 16-year-old thinks it’s a fabulous idea because he thinks we probably couldn’t find any better residence in Washington, D.C., than the Naval Observatory.”

Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kan.)
“No. I don’t cut ribbons well or give eulogies at funerals.”

Sen. Roger Wicker (R-Miss.)
“The chances of that are so remote that I’m more likely to be hit by an asteroid.”

Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.)
“I have a unique perspective on this. I am the only senator to have announced I am not running for president because there should be someone here to serve as the Senate’s designated driver. ”

A little humor at the expense of the University [sic] of Georgia.

If you read my bio, you know I am a proud graduate of the Georgia Institute of Technology, more commonly known as Georgia Tech or simply, Tech.  For well over 100 years, we have had a robust rivalry with our intrastate rival, the University [sic] of Georgia.  Not just at sports, but in life as well.

This picture pretty much sums up that rivalry.

In case you can’t read the small print, the ever witty Dawg fans drew a sign pointing to the Tech dugout that reads “Nerds” and one of our players responded with a sign pointing up that reads “Our future employees.”

FYI, Tech crushed the 8th ranked Dawgs 11-1.  On their home field.

And with barely 150 words, I just alienated all of the UGA and UGA law grads in Atlanta.  Next week, FSU and UF grads…..

The Pants Judge Files Suit Again! But only for one measly “mil”.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. After being canned last year by the (in part for filing the infamous $54 million lawsuit over his pants), Roy Pearson is suing the District of Columbia for wrongful termination, seeking damages of a mere $1 million. Pearson claims that he is a protected whistleblower who was fired for exposing corruption within the Office of Administrative Hearings.

Never at a shortage for words hyperbole, Pearson claims to have suffered “‘humiliation’ and ‘physical illness’ as a result of his former employer’s ‘wrongful actions.’”

Between this suit and the appeal of the $54 Million Pants case, he’s the busiest unemployed lawyer in America.

This is Why You Let That Letter Sit on Your Desk Overnight.

I don’t know about you, but over the years I’ve come across many an opposing counsel I found so irksome, so irritating that I’ve wanted to slap them write that perfectly sarcastic and derisive letter that puts them in their place. Truth be told, I often wrote the letter, but had the sense to print it out, and let it sit on the corner of my desk for a few hours or even over night before pitching it and writing a more restrained version. I felt better for having vented, and maintained a professional appearance.

Oklahoma lawyer Gerard Pignato evidently never learned that trick. A Judge for the Western District of Oklahoma recently found Mr. Pignato to be “‘highly unprofessional’ in his correspondence with plaintiff’s two counsel.” and ordered him to write and publish an article “pertaining to civility and professionalism as they relate to adversary proceedings.”

Among the sardonic barbs Pignato threw at his opposing counsel: “Can you not say anything in a page or less? Who are you? You’re just a broker who refers difficult cases to experienced lawyers. You’re a witness in this case. Be like a potted plant and sit quietly in the corner.”

Ironically, (and I think this is truly ironic and not “Alanis Morrisette ironic“) according to the bio on his website, the AV-rated Mr. Pignato has already published a paper on legal ethics in the Oklahoma Bar Journal.

Good thing these legislators are on the ball.

“TALLAHASSEE, Florida — The Florida Senate today debated and passed an amendment to impose a $60 fine on Truck Nutz, the novelty vehicle adornment attached to trailer hitches that resemble the dangling southern end of a northbound bull.” (Apologies for the bad pun and be forewarned, there is a picture of this lovely item so humorously described in the opening sentence of this new article.)

While I find these vehicular adornments tasteless, they are no more or less tasteless than say, “silhouettes of nude women on truck mud flaps or decals depicting a small boy relieving himself on another truck logo”, as pointed out by seemingly rational Florida State Senator Steve Geller. My inner Hugo Black believes that attempting to ban these delightful appendages would violate the First Amendment.  There is no right to be free from insult or offensiveness.

And to tie this in (somehow) to dispute resolution, it should be noted that one of the opponents to the bill, Sen. Jim King of Jacksonville, “said he had a set on one of his vehicles, which he described as ‘all pimped out.’ They are no more than ‘an expression of truckliness,’ he said, although he’d acceded to his wife’s request to take them off.” In the end, Sen. King proved he was, indeed, a smart and wise man.